Bucket list

It's been a while but life has just been super busy as of late! I am steadily working on checking off my bucket list items! Number one for YEARS was learning to play the guitar, which I have been doing very well. I can now play one song and am in the process of learning 2 more - one of which is "Brown Eyed Girl," LOVE IT! I also signed up to check off item number 2, learn how to ride a motorcycle. My BFF and I are signed up to take a 4 day course in early August which I WILL pass and then have the rest of the summer/fall to enjoy my new obsession! I hope I like it as much as I think I will.
Around my house the county built this little trail system for walking, riding, hiking etc so every night since it's completion I have been taking a 3 mile walk. I have been doing it for a few weeks now and can actually jog for about 1/2 of it. I feel so great when I finish! I had been on this exercise routine for about 5 months earlier in the year but began to have some back problems so I had to stop :( Up to that point I had lost about 60 lbs! My back kept me from working out for about 4 months while we "investigated" and it was quite hard to maintain that weight loss without being able to work out. But after swaying up and down between the same 5 lbs, I finally got back to my 60 lb bench mark and began a new regiment! I can now exercise again, I just have to keep it to walking or running so I do not agitate the bulging disc in my lower back! But the best part is that I enjoy walking these new trails, I am losing weight again, AND the walking really helps my back so I have been feeling great! Add to that my nice dark tan from many poolside weekends and must say I am feeling more and more confident every day!
Work has also been going fantastic! I work for a major payroll company and have been filling in for a manager that is out on leave for about 3 weeks now. I have been complemented on the job I am doing by several managers and am hoping this will catapult me to the next level. But besides that, I have really enjoyed getting my hands dirty and being busy really helps the days fly by!
All in all, I think this summer is going to be one for the books :)

Super excited!!!!

I have begun to fulfil a life long dream this week! I am finally learning to play the guitar! Whoo hoo! I am so excited! I have already learned 3 chords and am working on putting those 3 cords together so I can play a full song :) A friend of mine is teaching my and he says I am a natural! I have been practicing everyday and I can't wait to learn more! Oh campfires and sing alongs, here I come!

My day...

Well hello 33, you are finally here, not that I am happy about that or anything :) Today is my birthday and I spent it doing my favorite thing...laying out in the sun at the pool. Couldn't ask for a better way to spend my birthday! Wish I was turning 29 instead of 33 but oh well! Life is good, even at my ripe old age :)

Ahhhh the summer has officially begun!

Welcome summer! I have been patiently (OK, well maybe impatiently) awaiting your arrival! I love you! You are my BFF and I could spend 24/7 in your presence! There is nothing better then a sunny day, a refreshing pool, a good book and a raft or a good lounge chair! That is how I have been kicking off your first weekend here and I am so thankful to have you back! Looking forward to so many more amazing weekends like this one! XOXOXO!

Ding dong the mouse is dead!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I woke up this morning and immediately started checking the traps (I have become quite good at it). The first door I opened had a snapped trap...with NO mouse in it. I say to Rob (my friends husband who "fixed" all my traps) "OMG, this trap is snapped and there is no mouse in it!" He says, "well that happens, we"ll get him." I respond with "its been 5 days and we only have one left!" I open another drawer and the trap is not snapped but there is mouse poop all around it. Now I am really starting to freak! I just know that this mouse is some super smart nerd mouse that is never going to fall for our trickery! Ugh, will this ever end? So Rob says "we must have had too much peanut butter on that trap, here, take these 2 traps outside so I can cook and I'll fix them later." Unhappily I say ok, walk to the back door with the 2 defective traps, open the door, AND SCREAM!!! Rob and Joe have conspired and placed the DEAD mouse on the ground, right on the threshold of the door, facing me like it is going to run in. I slam the door and run into the kitchen, smack Rob a few times, and catch my breath! I was so scared that I couldn't even enjoy the fact that the mouse was dead! But it was funny and now I am so unbelievably happy that the stinkin' thing is gone! Hallelujah!

Life on the run...

The mouse is alive and in hiding! I don't know where he is! He could be lurking under my chair right now and I wouldn't know it. The only thing I can do is sit around and wait for my dog to smell something. I feel like I am living on the run...looking over my shoulder constantly. Scanning every room before I enter. Perking up my ears like a dog with every sound! OMG, I don't know how I will ever be able to come here on my own again! This is so traumatic! I awoke this morning excited to check the traps. I was even brave about it (didn't even use my stool). I thought for sure this mouse is gone! I checked all the traps that were not in the kitchen and those were still empty so I head in and swing open the drawers. To my horror, there was NOTHING! I left the one drawer open a little and just stood to the side to see if the little bugger would peep out again. No luck! I do not think it is in there anymore. I did see my dog sniffing around the stove for a little bit so maybe he is under there. IDK! I hate not knowing where to avoid! So I immediately dressed and headed to Home Depot for reinforcements. It took over 2 hours (HD is 45 minutes away) but I have tons of goodies. I have now spent $40 on mouse killing paraphernalia! I already had the snap traps and the "homemade trap" set up, but now I also have glue traps, and electrocution box, and little goodies to put in the crawl space under the house (prevention)! At this point I really don't care how this mouse dies, as long as it does.

Let me tell you about my day yesterday after I set the initial traps, which was around 10 a.m.! It was excruciating! I sat in the living room with no TV, no radio, and no noise of any kind. I didn't shower or move from that spot until 5 PM! I was just sitting there, listening. Praying to hear that snap! Finally at 5 I HAD to leave to walk my dog. So we did this and then I showered and went to town to get something to eat. Did I mention that I had barely eaten all day? Remember, I wasn't opening the silverware drawer because there were mouse terds all over so the little scraps of food that I did sneak into the kitchen to get had to be things I could eat with my hands. This basically meant stale chips and peanuts. So again, starving! When I got back from all of this, I checked the traps. Slowly and cautiously, just as I had set them. They were still the same. So by now it was around 8:00 and the alcohol was no longer calming my nerves (yes, I had been drinking since 10 in the morning) so I decided to go into the bedroom. I figured if Haley and I went in there and shut the door the little mouse would come out and get trapped! So off we went, I watched a little TV, read some of my book, had a nice peaceful evening. Then around 11 just as I was going to bed, it starts thundering. Now if you don't know, my dog is VERY scared of thunder storms. She shakes and pants and has a fit so I have anxiety meds for her when this happens. Well guess where those magic little pills were? Out in the kitchen of course, in the cabinet right above where I still think the mouse is! Lovely! So now I have to get up, get fully dressed (shoes and socks too in case I have to run), and walk out into the dark night, pray not to see mister mousey, and get Haley's medicine! Dammit! Luckily I made it back safely to the bedroom without any instances and I give Haley her meds. Now all I want to do is go to sleep so I can stop thinking about this damn mouse for 5 seconds. But Haley has decided that on this night, her medicine isn't going to work, so I am awake with her until the storm ends...around 3 a.m.!

So needless to say, we slept in a while. And I slept great too thinking my little friend was surely dead by now. Imagine my horror to realize that once again, he is still around...somewhere. Anyway, now I am home again and I have the new traps set. As I type, I am fairly certain that the mouse is now under the stove because Haley keeps going over there and growling. I am going outside now for 4 or 5 hours to cut the grass so I hope that while Haley and I are gone he will come out and play with his new toys :) And, thank god, my friends will be here tonight so I will be leaving the rest of the mouse catching to Joe and Rob (my friend's husbands)! Until then, I will continue to live on the edge. I accidentally dropped some cheese out of my sandwich during lunch and you would have thought I dropped a bomb! I cleaned it up so fast. All I kept thinking was "cheese, really, out of everything you had to drop cheese, idiot." You may, like my BFF last night, point out that I might be a little over dramatic about this entire thing, but I challenge you! Come out into the woods, by yourself and be terrorized by this rancid little rodent and see how your sanity holds up! I hope by the next update he is in mousey heaven....or wherever! Anywhere but here :)

Damn that mouse is good!

The mouse is still alive and I am still living on the edge. 8 snap traps and not a bite. I even turned to the google Gods and made a home made trap that "never fails." Well, it's failing dammit! Everyone keeps telling me that you only catch mice at night...great! So I am supposed to be able to sleep knowing it is lurking around out here? Oh my! I can't take another day of this...tomorrow I am breaking down and calling the exterminator if it is still alive in the a.m. :(

So maybe I only survived round one...

OMG! This mouse is seriously going to be the death of me! My blood pressure is through the roof. If I have a heart attack and die, please refrain from telling everyone that it was a mouse that did me in. Make it a snake or something BIG and scary!

Since I was unsure of the mouse's whereabouts, I barricaded myself and my dog into a bedroom last night. NOT the bedroom where the mouse was originally found! But I figured surely the mouse is outside and on the off chance that it is still in here it will not come in here where my dog is. Good theory I think and it seemed to work. I woke up rested and the dang mouse never crossed my mind again.

I am "working" from home today so I set up shop and got started. Around 9:00 a.m. I went into the kitchen to get a pen. I opened up the "pen" drawer and there was this huge wad of stuffing. As my mind was trying to figure out what this was and why it was in the pen drawer, I see the dang mouse in the back of the drawer. I screamed, slammed the drawer closed, grabbed my purse, and ran out the door. Once safely in my car, I called my co-worker, explained my disappearance and set out to get something to get rid of this devil animal!

Now the lake house is in the middle of nowhere so stores have are very limited items...my choices were little pellets the mouse will eat and then go off an die or regular old snap mouse traps. Well I don't really want to kill the little guy, but killing him is certainly preferable to letting him roam the house terrorizing me, so I buy the traps. I need to be SURE this time that the mouse is gone! Pellets that may or may not kill him are not going to cut it! I do not think my sanity can handle another close encounter!

I am now back home with 8 mouse traps, some peanut butter, and the knowledge that the mouse is 2 feet from where I am sitting loading these traps. Oh god! Suck it up Melanie; you have to take care of this! I have to repeat this over and over to myself through this entire ordeal! Ok, all my traps are loaded and I begin placing the easy ones. One under the couch, under the dresser, in the pantry, in the laundry room....and I am down to four. Now I have to put one in the drawer where the mouse is, and I figure if I put one in the drawer next to that one and the two cabinets underneath would work well. Now I just have to do it!

I can barely breathe! I lure my dog in the kitchen with a little peanut butter because I want her in there with me in case the thing runs out! I must not loose sight of it again and I know her little nose will find him on the ground! Thank god I have her here with me! Alright, just DO IT ALREADY! I swing open the drawer next to the one where the mouse was and jump back! Nothing came out so I slowly approach. Ewww gross! There is mouse poop ALL over the inside of this drawer! This, of course, is the silverware drawer so I guess I will be eating with my hands the remainder of the weekend! I certainly will not be opening any of these drawers again until I hear that trap snap! Here is the worst part! I want to quickly place this trap in the drawer and shut it again, but my fear of this trap snapping on my finger as I place it in the drawer is also present. So I am forced to slowly lower the trap in place thinking every second this damn mouse is going to run out and get on me! Ugh, I am seriously DYING!

First one down, I repeat the same awful process with the two cabinets underneath...no sign of the mouse. Now only the pen drawer remains. I pull a stool close...not too close, but close enough that I have something to jump on if the mouse comes out. I whip the drawer open and jump on my stool. Initially no sign. I quickly grab the little nest and throw it on the counter so it is out of my way...back on the stool. I sit there for a minute staring at the drawer and guess what happens. That little bastard mouse sneaks out from the back of the drawer, pokes his head around and then goes back in. OMG, OMG, OMG! I have to stick my hand in there! OMG, OMG, OMG! How am I going to do this? Shit! I approach, as fast as I can without slapping the trap and drop it in the drawer then jump back to my stool. The drawer is still open but I can't see the mouse. Dammit, the trap is not really where I wanted it. I quickly snatch a pen from the drawer and I use it to push the trap into place. Well, close enough, I am not picking the thing up again to move it around! Then I decide to put a little of his "nest" over the trap hoping to lure him closer...again, I use the pen! Finally, I get the drawer closed. And now, I sit and wait. I have no radio, no TV, no sound of any kind on in the house at all. I WANT to hear that damn trap when it snaps and it better snap! If I don't get this guy before bedtime I could very well be sleeping in my truck tonight! Tomorrow enforcements arrive....my BFF and her husband and another couple I am good friends with. The men are going to kill that mouse before this weekend is over! I have already warned them that they will be searching the crawl place for holes and plugging them up so I am not in this predicament again! But they won't be here until well after dinner...I am not sure if I can make it that long. My sanity is decreasing with every hour that passes!

I survived the mighty mouse!

I am this close to giving up my weekends at the lake! Before I begin this story, you should know that I am NOT what you would call an outdoorsy girl. I love to be out in the sun, will get dirty and sweaty but I am by no means a nature lover. I don't do animals, weird bugs, etc etc...unless they are domesticated!

So I get to the lake house and it has been empty for about 3 weeks or so at this point. I crawl through the spider webs (ikk) and get inside with my dog and all my junk. I am puttering around putting stuff away and my dog is just kind of doing the same, checking things out. So finally I sit down, turn on American Idol and just start chillaxin' when I hear her. My dog is growling at...something. I tentatively go investigate. I find her pacing in front of a dresser in the first bedroom. Immediately I am on guard and ready to jump on the closest bed if need be :O Then the reality sets in that I am the ONLY adult here and that if I want whatever is behind that dresser out, I am going to have to be the one to do it! SHIT! I consider ignoring it...but quickly realize I will never sleep a wink so it is time to act. Now I am thinking this is going to be a snake under here which is seriously the WORST possible scenario. So as fast as I can, I pull one corner of the dresser out and then run away...my dog sniffs it out but nothing. So I repeat this process about 5 more times until the dresser is completely away from the wall. Still nothing. Oh god, is it under the damn thing? There is NO WAY I am getting on my hands and knees to look under there, way to dangerous, so I literally flip the damn thing over (and run again). Nothing! There is nothing under there at all. I was so relieved! And mad at my dog for scaring me for nothing. But mostly relieved.

I put everything back and retire back to the couch. I try to coax my dog out here with me but no such luck. She is walking around the entire house sniffing everywhere. NOT making me feel at ease! She finally joins me in the living room so I relax again. This is very short lived! Two minutes later she is doing her little "I found something" dance back and forth in front of the couch that I AM SITTING ON! SHIT SHIT! I throw my laptop and jump across the room! After a minute I compose myself and think, maybe this is another false alarm. So armed with this new mindset, I toughen up! I open all the reclining parts of the couch so my dog has easier access...and so I can see. I quietly get down on all fours and look all round. Nothing! Oh thank god. Wait, spoke to soon! As soon as I thought I was safe I see a mouse run from one end of the couch to the other. Ahhhhhhh, I never moved so fast in my life. I think I jumped straight up like a cat, landed on my feet, and hopped onto the other couch. Somehow I grabbed my cell phone in the process. BTW, this is when being a lesbian seriously sucks. I really need a man right now! I call the closest thing I have to a man in my life....my best friends husband Joe!

I quickly explain the situation and await instruction. I don't know what I think he is going to be able to do 100 miles away, but he remains calm and is helping me stay that way! My BFF on the other hand is laughing at me in the background. I will get her for that, but not now! An idea, Joe has an idea! Open the front door and back door and try to chase the mouse out....WHAT??? I am not chasing that mouse anywhere! But I have no other options. So I go through the house and close all the interior doors and open the exterior ones. Then I go about moving the couch around. I pretty much use the same process as I did with the dresser. Pull it a few inches and then run, pull the other side a few inches and then run. Well during my 2nd or 3rd run, my dog goes running after something. I scream and jump on the other couch. I am really helpful! Joe is still on the phone, and my BFF still laughing. Not cool! Shit, now I do not know where the damn mouse went, but it is not under the couch anymore.

I proceed to turn every chair or couch in the living room upside down...no mouse to be found. Joe says he must have run outside. While I like this theory, I would be much more comfortable with it if I SAW the mouse run outside. Now I just have to assume, oh geeez! Well I looked around everywhere, as did my dog, and I couldn't find anything. So I closed the doors and put the furniture back in place. My dog did not give up that easily but after about an hour she finally ceased her investigation of the place. I guess if her nose can't find the thing then maybe it really is gone. Tomorrow I am off to get mouse traps...just in case! Wish us luck, we have 6 more days here!!!

Everything is ending :(

How am I going to survive? No more Lost, no more 24! I mean who cares that you never had any clue what was going on in Lost or that you could predict EVERY single moment of 24? Its Jack and Jack! They were addicting no matter how you look at it. I need Jacks in my life! The saying "you don't know Jack" just lost all meaning...ugh. The Bachelorette is just not a substitute. Yes, I will be all wrapped up in Ali's love life and all the drama that unveils, but it won't be my Jack's. Woe is me...

Doing a good deed....

Well I have been wanting to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity for quite some time now. I did it once, years ago, with a group from work but the organizer has since left the company so I have just been waiting for an opportunity. Well I finally got off my butt and took it into my own hands :) I didn't want to go alone so I organized a group myself, imagine that! Anyway, the day came and 7 of us represented my company and had an amazing day! Despite the amazing day, I have to bitch about one thing...

There was this girl there, she was putting in her "sweat equity" as they call it. She has to volunteer a certain number of hours because next year, she will be getting one of these habitat houses. I was so excited to be working next to a future home owner and was feeling very proud of the work we were doing and then she had to spoil it all! We started asking her questions about the process etc., and instead of being grateful for this amazing gift her family will be receiving, she starts to bitch about having to volunteer all these hours. I WAS APPALLED! If that wasn't bad enough she then continued on about having to attend financial counseling as well and how "nobody is gonna tell me how to spend me money! I like to shop."

Ugh, how can someone be so ungrateful! I didn't let it ruin the day, after all, this wasn't her house we were working on. And I choose to believe that the person we were helping that day actually appreciates the help instead of taking it for granted. But I still can't help but be pissed off at T! I can't imagine how many people would kill for this opportunity and it just really stinks to know that a home is going to someone that is completely taking it for granted! Maybe I shouldn't judge. I don't know her situation, maybe her family really is in need. I just wish I would witnessed the need instead of the utter lack of respect she was showing towards an organization that is going to be improving her life. So disappointing!

But subtracting her from the equation, it WAS a fantastic day of work. We accomplished our tasks and one LUCKY family is that much closer to their wish :) I hope they understand what they are gaining!

Starting over...

...enough said!

Well, it's done!

So, I had some feminine issues going on and ended up having to have a few procedures done this past week. One of those procedures left me with the inability to have children in the future. Whether or not to have this procedure was a really tough decision to make because I have always wanted to have children, but in the end, my health took precedent over that desire. Still, I thought I would wake up from this experience and be upset over the loss of this dream. But now that it's done, it's weird, because even though I know I am different now, I really don't feel it. Maybe it still just hasn't set in yet, but right now, I feel fine. I don't feel like I need to mourn the loss of that possibility...I am glad that I made the decision that I made and I guess all I can do now is hope that I never regret it. So far so good :)

Why do I do this stuff to myself?

My parents have this house on the lake in VA...beautiful place, very quiet, very secluded, and just a fantastic weekend getaway. I try to go as often as I can! This weekend I decided to go down a little early to miss the Friday traffic and since I have flexibility with my job I am able to work remotely from the lake house on Friday. So I drive there Thursday night, just my dog and I, traffic was great, no problems. Friday morning I pretty much crawl out of bed just in time to log into my computer for work, let my dog out, and get started with my day. Work is going pretty slow, so around 8:30 I get up from my computer to go grab something from the garage...harmless, I know. Well, I get what I need and turn around to go into the house and OH NO!!! The door handle is locked! I immediately panic and pray at the same time. I had just let my dog out the front door earlier, maybe there is a chance that my scared ass didn't lock the dead bolt when I let her back in....yeah right! No such luck, I was locked out.

Now let me set the stage for you. Here I am, dressed thankfully, but I have no phone, no car keys, no shower (and if you know me I have short hair and it stands up on ALL ends in the morning) and I haven't even brushed my dang teeth yet...yuck! There are houses up and down the road (not too close) but NO ONE lives here! This is a weekend place, and since my dumb ass locked myself out on a Friday morning the chances of finding someone home are greatly reduced. But I had to try. So off I go, walking up the street with my hair straight up in the air! I can hear my poor dog barking because she can see me walking away....she was probably wondering why the bitch (me) wasn't taking her on along on the walk. GUILT!!! But off I go.

So I walk, and I knock, but no one ever answers. Then I hear something....could it be? Yes, it is! A car is approaching! Now I had probably walked close to a mile when I see this car so I am desperate for help at this point. I run wildly towards the street (I had been standing on someones front porch) waving my arm. The guy just looks over and waves back like I am being neighborly and saying hello. Dammit! But I have not given up. I race into street and start chasing him...frantically trying to flag him down! Break lights, thank god! The guy backs up, I tell him my predicament, and he offers to go home and call a lock smith for me. Oh bless you old man!

So I walk back to the house and I have nothing else to do outside so I make use of the time and start weed whacking the yard....something I need to do tomorrow anyhow. Now remember all this time, I am supposed to be working, so right now my boss is paying me to cut my grass! GUILT!!! But finally the lock smith arrives. Out steps a good ole boy from VA who opens my door with a CREDIT CARD in 5 seconds flat and then graciously charges me $85 for the service! I was so happy to be back in the house that I didn't even care. But then he is acting irritated because I don't have cash or check...sorry dude, you will have to settle for my credit card. I mean really, you basically drove 10 minutes and made $85 for NOTHING! Be happy with my plastic!

But then he loosens up a little and he was pretty amusing. He has to write all my cc info into an old school form, a process which takes him 15 minutes because he stops every 30 seconds to tell me a story! Anyone that knows me will understand how irritating this is to me. I am a very nice person, but I just don't like to bull shit with complete strangers. My time is very important to me and efficiency is my middle name and right now I should be WORKING not out here sweating and thinking how awful I look because I have not showered! Seriously man, let me go! He finally leaves after trying to sell me a lock box and some new age lock that will protect a "young lady out here like yourself" (gag). So I quickly get updated on work stuff and then waste 20 more minutes writing my little adventure down for you :) I just couldn't resist sharing my stupidity!

THE moment you realize you really are old!

Caution, this post may contain materials that constitute as too much information! My friend reads a blog that has "TMI Thursday's." Well, call this "Way TMI Wednesday" because this post can not wait one more day! Let me give you the background information....

I am 32 years old, one month from being 33. I have a few gray hairs every now and again but nothing too overwhelming. Over the last few years, I have been feeling older but still nothing has put me over the hump to start thinking of myself as "old." I still know how to have a good time, even if I might feel a little worse for the wear the next morning :) I still listen to popular music and believe I am still up to date with current fashions etc.

Well lately I have been having some medical issues, issues that usually effect older women. I will be having polyps removed from my uterus next week and have just recently been diagnosed with arthritis in my back. Despite these "old" signs, I have still been able to cling to my beliefs that I am still a "young" adult...until today that is! Here's the TMI, beware!

I was using the ladies room at work, nothing unusual, just a normal potty break. Well sometimes you get bored staring at the back of the stall door so I start looking around and I see a red string on my pants so I lean over to get it. As I am leaning over to do this, I notice a white hair "down there." Naturally, I am thinking to myself, "oh god, one of my DOGS hairs must have gotten onto my underwear." So I change focus and reach down to rid myself of this dog hair as I am thinking how gross it is to have my dog's hair on my hoo haa. Now the real horror sets in. I grab the hair, pull, and then immediately have to stifle a scream. This white hair IS ATTACHED! OMG, I have found my first gray hair on my hoo haa! I was mortified! I ripped it out as quickly as I could, and no, I don't care if ten more grow back in that spot, I will rip them out too! It did hurt a little, but it was WORTH it! I can not have gray hairs in my hoo haa yet! I am still young dammit! Ugh, this is awful, I still feel sick about it! There is no more denying it, I AM OLD! Shit!

Lazy day...

I am not sure where this post will go, but I was bored and figured, why not? Yesterday one of my best friends got married! Her and her husband are so perfect for each other and to see them so happy together, enjoying their day, was just breath taking. I could not be happier for them.

After the beautiful wedding ceremony last night, I have spent my day lounging around watching Millionaire Matchmaker. Don't judge! These people are ridiculous...which in turn makes them entertaining. :) But between the 2 events, I have been thinking a lot about my own love life. It is basically non-existent at the moment, which I am pretty ok with, but I do know one thing. If the crazy ass people on Mill Match can find love, then I KNOW my soul mate is out there! Seriously! LOL!

Tyrone Wells - Use Somebody

I LOVE this man!!!

These are my confessions....

...just when I thought I said all I can say, my chick on the side says she's got one on the way...OK, so maybe that was Usher. My chick on the side doesn't exist so I guess she can't have one on the way :) Anyway, this is my first real blog experience and if you didn't pick up on it yet, I am little preoccupied with music...and slightly sarcastic! Really I am just trying to fill this box since I have no idea what I am doing. Guess I will figure it out right? I had a really good thought when I started typing but then I distracted myself with Usher and now I am simply rambling. Hummm, confessions...I got nothing!

Well how about an introduction instead? I am almost 33 (and NOT happy about being in my "mid" 30's), I am a lesbian, single, too responsible most of the time, a neat FREAK and generally happy with my little crazy life :) I have a great job, fabulous friends, and the bestest little dog in the entire world! What's their to confess? IDK, nothing, everything...

Most of the time I am one of those people that live inside of their head. Not to say that I am anti-social because I am not, I get along very well with others, but I am almost always keeping a part of myself silent. I don't know why I do this because I have plenty of wonderful people that I would trust completely with my thoughts but still I find myself staying silent. I was NOT raised in a touchy-feely household by any means. We didn't express our feelings often and we were basically just blunt with each other 100% of the time. This was great in some regards because I am comfortable speaking my mind and being true to myself but in other ways it really sucks. I don't seem to have that trigger that most people have that stops them from saying something they shouldn't. Instead, my words come blurting out and I am stuck chewing my stinkin' shoes the remainder of the day. It's kind of a weird dynamic because when it's about bullshit, I will say anything that comes into my head, but when it really matters, when I am really bothered by something, I keep it inside. How did I learn this behavior and how to I break free from it?

Who knows, maybe writing blogs and sending them to la la land will help... :)

Borderline...feels like I'm going to lose my mind...